I had the joy of getting to lead a bunch of awesome, crazy 8th grade boys at The Heights Baptist Church's Chi Alpha weekend the past few days. The speaker was fantastic, he punched me in the face with the Gospel. He was preaching the Word is ways that you don't hear people preach to students. On Saturday night I had stepped out during worship because I was in more pain than I could handle standing in front of booming speakers, so I have no idea how the speaker started off his sermon. When I came back in he was talking about the death of Lazarus and how Jesus allowed him to stay dead for a time before going to heal him. As he unpacked the beautiful story (You can find it in John 11 check it out, it's good stuff.) he made the statement that sometimes, the primary way that God brings glory to his name and works in the life of others is through the suffering of Christians. When he said that everything in my being rejoiced. I wanted to get down in front of every kid in that crowd that was hurting, look them in the eye, and tell them that it is absolutely true.
If you have talked to me at all in the last three months, you will understand where I'm coming from with this, and this paragraph will be very familiar. Back in November I was diagnosed with a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia, a neurological disorder that affects the main nerve in each side of the face. It's considered to be the most painful condition in humanity, and is relatively rare. Most days it is easier to count the hours I am not in pain, and if it isn't crippling then I'm counting myself lucky. It's set off by all kinds of things, and is treated with either neurological medication or brain surgery. More or less the way I will probably live the rest of my life has completely changed, and I have no way of knowing if it is going to get better or worse with age. So please understand that I am not a masochist or a sadist when I say this, but in more ways than one Trigeminal Neuralgia has been a huge blessing in my life.
I am a firm believer that there will always be the beautiful wounds that draw us close to Jesus. I have never had something in my life that causes me to daily acknowledge my dependence on the mercies of God in the way that Trigeminal Neuralgia does. I am really learning what it means to pray "give me this day my daily bread". A new friend I made at the Chi Alpha weekend reminded me of the truth in 1 Peter 4:12-13, that I can rejoice in my sufferings, knowing that through them the glory of Christ is revealed. With that being said I have never had something that so tangibly has allowed me to share the Gospel with others. Honestly I have gotten to tell an absurd number of people about Jesus all because I have a major nerve disorder. So it's not that I rejoice in being in constant pain, or do anything to intentionally deteriorate my physical state, but rather I am overjoyed to know that because of my suffering I am able to know Christ better and tell more people about the Gospel than I would have without it.
That being said, I have had a lot of interesting conversations with other Christians about my current state. I always feel loved and am encouraged when people want to lay hands and pray for me, I think both of these thinks are Biblical and I do believe that Jesus still does heal people. But when people ask me to tell them that I know I am going to be healed and am not going to have this the rest of my life, my response is a resounding "maybe". It's not that I don't believe God can heal me, it's just that I've read way too much of the Bible to believe that everyone is physically restored in their Earthy body. 11 of the 12 disciples were martyred, and that' just because they tried and couldn't kill John. Paul had a thorn in his flesh and asked God to take it away, to which God responded with "no" and "my grace is sufficient for you" as told in 2 Corinthians 12. Jacob wrestled God, and ended up getting a dislocated hip and limp that he walked with the rest of his life. Not everybody gets healed this side of heaven, and that's okay. It's okay because my faith isn't hurt in any way if God doesn't heal me, I've read Romans 8:28 I know God knows what He's doing. If Christ is more glorified in me being healed, then I'm all for it. But if the most glorious Triune God sees it fit that I walk with this for the rest of my life for the sake of his glory, then I pray the Holy Spirit would posture my heart to be like Paul's in his imprisonment described in Philippians 1:12-18, and let's go to work.
So going back to those students, the ones who know Christ and are seriously hurting right now. If I got the chance to look them in the eye and say just one thing to them, it would be this:
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us." -Romans 8:18
